The Final Journey: Part 2 - Grace Upon Grace

This is Part 2 of my journey with Cherie back to her heavenly Father. It covers the period of my visit with her from April 28 to May 17, most of which I already wrote about in a previous post (Riding the Wave of Love). However, I would have to repeat some parts since this post will be about my meaningful discussions and interactions with Cherie, and those I witnessed, during this visit.

April 28 to May 17, Sunday to Thursday

April 28, Sunday As I was walking towards Cherie’s ICU room after her brain surgery to drain the fluid from her brain to shunt it to her stomach, I was steeling myself for the sight and praying for strength. I knew they had to shave her head. But I didn’t know how she would look, how she would feel. I was expecting that her head would be fully covered, and she would be lying in bed with her eyes closed and lots of tubes sticking out of her. So when I saw her, I was relieved to see that she was sitting up and her head was bare. She had only three lines for an IV, a heart and BP monitor, and a urine bag. When she saw me, she immediately set me at ease with her question, “Am I as bald as Mommy now?” I replied, “A different kind of bald.” The right side of her head had been shaven and there was a bandage covering the wound. But she was very animated -- engaging with her Filipino nurse Ferdie, talking with all of us, cracking jokes, and even asking for food. I suddenly thought, “She’s back. The Cherie I knew before chemo ravaged her spirit was back. Thank God!”

I volunteered to stay with her that night so Jun could go home and rest. After Ferdie’s shift, another Filipino nurse, Joyce, took over. She was probably in her 60s, very motherly and caring. Cherie weathered the night well, though she was a bit disoriented. Twice during the night, she asked me where Jun was and I said that he had gone home. After the second time, she said that it was a good thing she could not find her pillow because she wanted to throw it at Jun to wake him up. J I apologized and said I didn’t hear her and she reassured me by saying she was calling out for Jun and that was probably why I couldn’t be roused from my sleep.

April 29, Monday When dawn broke, she was still in good spirits. But after I came out from the shower, she turned somber and said, “I’m afraid this is the beginning of the end.” I then repeated what my seatmate told me on the plane, “No negative vibes. “ And she smiled. I also reminded her that Tish was arriving in LAX that morning, and that Monet and Evelyn would bring her straight to Kaiser.

April 30, Tuesday This was D (devastation) Day when we learned that Cherie’s lung cancer had spread to her brain. The result of the brain MRI that was taken the previous Saturday when Manny and I met her at Kaiser was wrong. (We had been advised on Monday that it was clean.) After discussing the results with her oncologist and being told that there were no more viable treatment options, Cherie decided on home hospice. (During Gigi’s visit in March, she had asked Cherie if she had thought about hospice care and going for quality of life. At that time, Cherie said she was not there yet.) She also wanted to go on a family vacation, but not to Washington, DC anymore because of the airport hassles, but to Lake Arrowhead. So I asked Jun if Tish and I could tag along. He said, “Certainly. This is for the whole family.” I asked Cherie if she wanted Mommy to come, remembering that she had told me it was good Mommy didn’t see her suffer when Mommy visited in March. And she said yes. So I emailed Pet who contacted our brothers to see who could bring Mommy. Jet immediately said he could fly from KL to pick up Mommy in Manila and they would fly to LA together. I also texted Gina, who straight away booked her flight from Nova Scotia for Thursday. Then Noel said he would come too. As each sibling said he/she would come, Cherie happily noted it and related to everyone she talked with the names of her siblings who would be coming. I started to think that she was calling the roll! Our sister, who had been so reluctant to receive visitors, was now acting like our favorite aunt (our Dad’s older sister) Tatat, who would remember who among her siblings, nephews and nieces would call or visit her on her birthday or when she was confined in the hospital. So when Gigi asked me if Cherie was expecting everyone to come, I replied, “Not really. But she’s calling the roll.” So Gigi decided to fly too despite three important meetings coming up.     

May 1, Wednesday After Tish and I heard the 8:15 mass, we received the happy news that another brother, Bingo, decided to fly from Nova Scotia too together with Gina, even if it meant going on leave without pay. When Tish and I visited Cherie at Kaiser, the hospice doctor came and discussed what home hospice was all about – that it was palliative care (focused on patient comfort and not treatment), a hospice nurse would come as needed, there was a 24/7 hotline, a hospital bed and other medical equipment would be provided, everything would be free (including medicines), etc. But it also required caregivers because the patient would stay at home. We told the doctor that he was preaching to the choir because our aunt (Josefina Magno, whom we called Tita Nette, Doc Manny’s Mom and an older sister of our Dad’s) was one of the pioneers in hospice care in Northern Virginia. At noon, Cherie was discharged from Kaiser and we went home.

In the evening, Jun’s niece Michele came to shave off the rest of Cherie’s hair. Then a hospice nurse, Jim, came to officially admit Cherie to home hospice. This meant that she would no longer see her oncologist, her medications would be reviewed by a hospice doctor who could change them, there would be no more chemo, etc. Jim also said that, if she wanted, Cherie could always go back to therapeutic care, see an oncologist, undergo chemo, and, if needed, be admitted to the hospital. But it was one or the other. Jim was very competent with a great bedside manner. He stayed for close to two hours and we were assured that Cherie was in very good hands.

May 2, Thursday As was our wont, I looked in on Cherie to greet her good morning. She looked pensive and told me that she had not slept well. I asked why but she didn’t reply. So I took her hand and asked if she was scared. She nodded. I assured her, “You need not be scared. We will be here for you. We will not leave you. We will take care of you. On the other side, Daddy, Tatat and Tita Nette will be there to welcome you.” Fortunately, Tish came into the room to greet her good morning too. I took my leave and, when I reached our bedroom, I burst into tears. Tish followed me and, after relating my discussion with Cherie, she also cried and we ended up comforting each other.  

After mass and with Cherie’s authorization, I talked with the Caltech benefits staff to inquire about Cherie’s benefits. I was able to obtain information regarding Cherie’s disability leave status, beneficiary designations, medical insurance for Jun after Cherie terminates employment, etc. Then it was time to pick up Bingo and Gina from LAX.

May 3, Friday My high school batchmate, Rosanie, came to treat me to lunch. Rosanie’s younger sister also knew Gina from their Jollibee days so we had a picture taken together. Rosanie and I met with another HS batchmate, Cathy, at a Japanese restaurant in Pasadena. It was a very welcome break for me. After lunch, while walking to her car, I thanked Rosanie for the lunch and I became teary-eyed when I discussed my fears with her. 

With Gina and Rosanie

With Cathy and Rosanie

When we got home, Cherie’s hospice doctor, Dr. Wendy Chang, was there to meet Cherie. Unfortunately, Cherie was getting ready for a follow-up visit with the doctor who had installed her port. So Dr. Chang didn’t get to talk with Cherie but she was able to observe her going down the stairs. After Cherie left with Jun and Bingo, Dr. Chang told Tish, Gina and me that Cherie was very weak, and she wasn’t 100% sure she would be well enough on May 8 to go to Lake Arrowhead. She also said that the cancer was very aggressive. So she asked us to tell Cherie not to feel pressured to go on the trip even if the whole family was coming. The reunion would still happen but it need not be in Lake Arrowhead. Dr. Chang was also kind enough to sign the certification of Cherie’s terminal medical condition which our three brothers in Manila needed to have their US visa for humanitarian reasons approved.

May 4, Saturday In the morning, hospice staff delivered and installed Cherie’s hospital bed in the living room. In the evening, another HS batchmate, Ces, picked me up for dinner at her home near Pasadena. It was another good break for me because Ces was very nice and very funny. She and her hubby Peter were so warm and welcoming. Before I left, Ces even gave me a package of longganizas which we brought to Lake Arrowhead. The longganizas were so good!

With Ces at her home

May 5, Sunday Tish, Bingo, Gina and I heard the early morning mass at 7:30 because our Mom, Gigi, and her husband Raffy were arriving from Manila around 10. My Mom’s two brothers and their families were having a pot luck lunch at home, and Gina and Bingo also had to finish cooking the lunch. When we got home after mass, we were surprised when Jun told us that Cherie wanted to hear the 9am mass! When we left her that morning, Cherie was asleep and seemed weak. We tried to dissuade her and told her that she just had brain surgery the week before so she was excused from mass, she needed to save her energy, Mommy and Gigi were arriving and she wouldn’t be home, etc. But she was adamant about going. So I said I would go with her and Jun. At mass, she sat in her wheelchair. At one point, she asked Jun if he had brought her medicine because her head was aching. But we didn’t have it. So she sat there gently stroking her head. During the “Peace be with you”, I asked her if she wanted to leave after communion, but she said she wanted to finish the mass. During communion, her parish priest Fr. Gerry saw her and, before the final blessing, asked the whole congregation to raise their hands and pray for Cherie. He said that Cherie was so brave and that, despite her condition, she was at mass. He added that Cherie’s Mom was arriving from Manila (I was text mates with Fr. Gerry), and how loving and wonderful her family was. On our way back home, I kissed Cherie and, with a lump in my throat, also told her how brave she was.   

When we got home, Mommy, Gigi and Raffy were there to welcome Cherie. Later, Mommy told us she was alarmed when she saw Cherie because she seemed so weak compared to the last time she saw her in March. Around noon, our Syquia aunts and cousins came and everyone ate and had a wonderful time, especially Cherie. After the Syquias left, Cherie’s boss at Caltech for close to 24 years, Barry, came with his wife. It was his first time to see Cherie since her lung cancer diagnosis so he got emotional too.

May 6, Monday Evelyn picked up Tish and me to go to Cabot and Sons to inquire about funeral services, which Cherie was aware of. It was a good time because Jun, Cherie, Gina and Bingo were going to Kaiser to have Cherie’s head stitches removed. Raffy, Gigi and Mommy went shopping. We met with Wendell Cabot, the grandson of the founder of Cabot and Sons. He was a very courtly gentleman who toured us around the place and discussed the decisions that we had to make. He was extremely nice and helpful, and made us feel so comfortable. I told him about our planned trip to Lake Arrowhead and I asked him what we would do if Cherie went while we were there. He asked me what Cherie’s health directive was and I said, “DNR”. So he told us not to call 911 because they were obliged to resuscitate her, but to first call the coroner of San Bernardino and then to call him. We liked the Cabot's facilities a lot. The chapel was big enough to accommodate 100 people, and there was a separate reception room. Late evening, Pet arrived with his wife Winda and daughter Charley but they proceeded to the hotel so we didn’t get to see them.

Mr. Cabot showing us the reception room

May 7, Tuesday Evelyn again picked up Tish, Gina and me to go to Forest Lawn in Glendale to see their chapels. We wanted to compare the two venues. We were disappointed because Forest Lawn had only small chapels, which were no more than viewing rooms. Though they had a large, nice chapel on a hill, this was only for the funeral service and not for the viewing.

Gina, Evelyn and Tish at Forest Lawn

For lunch, we all decided to try the dimsum place where Cherie had brought Pet during an earlier visit. On the way to the restaurant, I talked to Cherie about our visits to Cabot and Forest Lawn, and told her that we preferred Cabot because the chapel was bigger and they had a separate reception room. She didn’t seem to be too interested so I didn’t pursue the topic. Looking back, I realize we didn’t talk about any of the final arrangements for the rest of the visit. It seemed like she just wanted to cherish this time with the family and not let it be spoiled by such discussions anymore. By this time, we were already six siblings, two in-laws, a niece, and our Mom with Cherie, Jun and their second son Jiffy.

Tish, Gina, Gigi, Raffy and Bingo

Pet, Winda and Charley

With Jun, Jiffy, Cherie and Mommy

In the afternoon, Jet and his wife Marife came just in time for the mass that Fr. Gerry was going to celebrate at home. Jun’s siblings came; also Pepot, our only cousin from our Dad’s side living on the West Coast; and Odette, Cherie’s HS classmate with her son and daughter-in-law. It was a beautiful mass and Cherie stayed awake the whole time in her hospital bed. Late evening, Noel arrived from Manila.

Odette with son and daughter-in-law

Mommy and Pepot

Monet, Noli, Jiffy, Jun, Evelyn, Grace and Carolie 

May 8, Wednesday to May 15, Wednesday Finally, the day came for our trip to Lake Arrowhead. From the time we finalized the arrangements for this trip, Tish and I had been praying that Cherie be given at least two good weeks to enjoy this trip with her family. And our prayer was answered as I had written in my previous post on how God’s hand writ large during this time, with grace pouring upon grace. But it was not all good times. The leave-takings were very painful. The first sibling to leave was Bingo on Saturday, May 11, barely 15 hours after our three brothers arrived from Manila. Bingo had to leave early to be with his nine year old son in Nova Scotia since his wife, Nimfa, was leaving for LA to receive an award the day after his arrival. Bingo left the retreat house at 3pm, and it was all we could do to keep from crying. We knew that that was the last time the 12 siblings would be complete, since many had already said that this would be their final goodbye. When he kissed Cherie, Bingo could no longer hold back his tears. It was Cherie who comforted him by telling him, “Don’t cry for me. I have lived a full life.”

Early Sunday morning, Pet, Winda and Charley left. When Pet said his goodbye, he cried too. On his way out, I asked him what he had told Cherie. He said, “Give my regards to Daddy.” This set me off when I walked with Ton by the lake. I prayed to God and told Him that we were not ready. Cherie was only 62! She still wanted to see her only grandchild turn one in November. She and Jun were planning to travel to Europe again after she retired. (This was my "Who's going to clean the toilet?" moment.) I also recalled that at one morning mass with Tish and Gina, I cried when we sang, “Amen.” It was such a bitter pill to take but swallow it we must. 

Gigi, Raffy and Noel left Monday morning. Again, we all got up early to bid them goodbye. On May 15 when we left Lake Arrowhead, I rode in the car with Jun, Cherie and Jiffy. We were very quiet because we knew the reunion was over. But coming down the mountain, our spirits lifted when we saw the many yellow flowers dotting the mountain side.

May 16, Thursday This was a quiet day devoted to shopping for gifts for home.

May 17, Friday Jet, Marife and I were leaving at noon for LAX. In the morning, I went through the emails that had been sent to me by Cherie’s colleagues after they found out about her brain metastasis. I had read the emails to Cherie as each one came, and all were effusive in their praise for her as a person and as a professional. These emails pleased Cherie and gave us much comfort too. Cherie hardly talked about her job in Caltech. Though she mentioned Barry a lot, she never shared with us how much she was valued at Caltech. It was so typical of her to be so modest. That morning, I asked Cherie for the nationality of each of the writers and then forwarded each email to Gigi with the information. (Gigi, Gina and I were already thinking that we could use excerpts from the letters in a possible tribute to Cherie.) Being the bright person that she was, Cherie played along and told me more about each of the writers as I read their names. She didn’t ask me for the reason and I suspected she already knew. Too soon it was time for me to say goodbye. I kissed her and she thanked me. Then I said, “I really believe you still have more good months.” She said, “I hope so.” I was right, but barely.

The following day, Ton and Tato left for Manila. On Monday, Gina returned to Nova Scotia; on Thursday, Mommy and Mayo flew to Manila. Tish stayed behind to take care of Cherie, as we had promised her. Tish helped Jun with Cherie's medications. She prayed with her each day and encouraged her to get some sun out on the deck. She kept us posted on Cherie's condition, including what she ate, with her daily email. She stayed until June 20, enough time to be with Jun, Cherie and Jiffy when they drove to Dublin, near San Francisco, for Alex's lovely christening on June 9 (a great blessing). She was also able to do a handover to Gina who arrived from Nova Scotia on June 19. Gina was supposed to stay until July 5. I would then take over from July 11 for five weeks. My boss had kindly agreed that I could telecommute from Pasadena. But again, God had other plans and I was back in Pasadena sooner than planned.